My favorite
group of the strong survived in tests. These guys were the greatest in terms of
planning, timing and execution. Basically theirs was a white collar jib. I'm
talking about guys who cheated…no those that were clever during a test.
I really
enjoyed watching them (though at times I indulged so as to survive anyway). I
remember the first time I saw guys do the 'take your position'. This involved
practicals and timing was a necessity! You could find seven guys cramming on
one sink to wash test tubes (FYI 12 other taps are in the lab), but when they
take their seats roles change. You get a new guy next to you. He even doesn’t
have a pen and is busy cramming and reciting answers like an Islamic boy in his
Madrassa. 5 minutes later test tubes -though clean- get rewashed. Incase the
T/A is hot on their movements then a backup plan is used, alias 'The Fax'. It
entails the disappearing of an answer sheet on one side and its appearance on
the receiving end, just like a fax. It's quit popular as it involves copy
pasting and you are done, smiling your way to an A!!!
The other
popular lab job is named, by me, the I Pad 3. I call it that since it’s the
most intelligent tablet ever. You don’t even have to touch the screen since it
gives you what you precisely want. All you need is to sit near a chop -who
should have relations with you-and motion to him when you need the screen to
start showing. It is the most efficient considering the technology that baffles
android and symbian combined!! It's like a super comp that reads your mind and
emotions!!
Let's get
into the normal exam room. Set up; a humanity exam, these subjects require much
reading and very little is tested. In a defense mechanism students read little and
to account for the rest a 'laptop' is used in the exam room. A laptop is
basically any textbook that can be placed on the candidates lap from his desk
or bag without the invigilators notice. So now the laptop in use, nothing can
make you fail. In the case where desks are empty, or the candidate is using a
single-wing chair (the kind used in college) a -compressed document file- the
infamous mwakenya is used. I don’t like it because it gives a sense of
underhand means.
Now the
other exciting part involves sciences. Sciences have an affinity to low grades
(according to revelations by some of my consociates). The best way of riding
out a difficult situation is by using all that you have. In the situation at
hand a calculator should come handy, that’s why THE STUDENT and his associates
retorted to formulate the calc-talk. It’s a complicated format of communication
that involves scientific language (harder than Latin) that not even Einstein
can crack. For the rest-not good enough for THE CLUB- scribble in mathematical
formulae book which they expect to use in a biology paper. Seriously speaking I
personally formulated the calc-talk but cheating in exam is for my associates,
they pay me to update and complicate the thing. Eventually passing is vital,
and as they say they don’t give a damn how you got there, they just celebrate
that you are there!
